Friday, August 24, 2012
Wednesday, August 8, 2012
5 Tips Happy Married Life!!!
Point 1: Be independent.
Just because you marry, it doesn't mean you must embrace everything
about your partner. Sometimes, you forget about how different you two
are because you've been together for so long. Don't lose your uniqueness
because it's the same thing that attracted both you and your partner in
the first place. Try to take on different interests and encourage your
partner to do so too.
Point 2: Never be angry at the same time.
When you're angry, you hear nothing else and you don't care about
anything else. If you find that both you and your partner are angry, try
to have some space. Calm down. Then talk. Be sensitive to each other's
ups and downs. Talk through the problem and hear each other out. Abandon
the whole world rather than each other. And never go to sleep without
settling the argument. Most importantly, never yell at each other unless
the house is on fire.
Point 3: If you have to disagree, do it lovingly.
There will be lots of times when you and your spouse won't agree at all in some aspects. Don't make your point sound like a criticism to your partner. It doesn't matter who is wrong or right. Always bear in mind that an argument doesn't need a winner or a loser.
Point 4: Never bring up mistakes of the past.
Whenever something goes wrong, do not rub past issues in. Don't dwell
over the past such that you become blind with the wonderful things ahead
of your relationship.
Point 5: At least once every day, try to say one thoughtful or complimentary thing to your partner.
When a couple always spends time with each other, they often forget
about courtesy. "Take the trash out. Do the laundry." Isn't there
something missing in those phrases? Perhaps putting "Please" before each
sentence would make it sound so much better. Never take each other for
granted.
Showing constantly that you both like each other will help keep your
relationship fresh. Even something as simple as complementing on your
spouse's looks or buying little unexpected gifts can help. Look for the
things that would make your partner feel appreciated.
How do you live by the guidelines stated earlier? Lower your pride. But don't get me wrong. Pride is a good thing. It keeps your head high in public. It's not a bad thing to have pride in someone or something. But in private, when you're with your partner, keep the pride level down; because it becomes a wall your partner would have to overcome.
Monday, July 23, 2012
20 Simple Ways to Get Happy
Take control of your mood and improve your health.
Happiness is ephemeral, subject to the vagaries of everything from the weather to the size of your bank account.We’re not suggesting that you can reach a permanent state called “happiness” and remain there. But there are many ways to swerve off the path of anxiety, anger, frustration, and sadness into a state of happiness once or even several times throughout the day. Here are 20 ideas to get you started. Choose the ones that work for you. If tuning out the news or making lists will serve only to stress you further, try another approach.
1. Practice mindfulness. Be in the moment. Instead of worrying about your checkup tomorrow while you have dinner with your family, focus on the here and now — the food, the company, the conversation.
2. Laugh out loud. Just anticipating a happy, funny event can raise levels of endorphins and other pleasure-inducing hormones and lower production of stress hormones. Researchers at the University of California, Irvine, tested 16 men who all agreed they thought a certain videotape was funny. Half were told three days in advance they would watch it. They started experiencing biological changes right away. When they actually watched the video, their levels of stress hormones dropped significantly, while their endorphin levels rose 27 percent and their growth hormone levels (indicating benefit to the immune system) rose 87 percent.
4. Hum along. Music soothes more than the savage beast. Studies find music activates parts of the brain that produce happiness — the same parts activated by food or sex. It’s also relaxing. In one study older adults who listened to their choice of music during outpatient eye surgery had significantly lower heart rates, blood pressure, and cardiac workload (that is, their heart didn’t have to work as hard) as those who had silent surgery.
9. Garden. Not only will the fresh air and exercise provide their own stress reduction and feeling of well-being, but the sense of accomplishment that comes from clearing a weedy patch, watching seeds turn into flowers, or pruning out dead wood will last for hours, if not days.
11. Take a dog for a walk. There are numerous studies that attest to the stress-relieving benefits of pets. In one analysis researchers evaluated the heart health of 240 couples, half of whom owned a pet. Those couples with pets had significantly lower heart rates and blood pressure levels when exposed to overstress than the couples who did not have pets. In fact, the pets worked even better at buffering stress than the spouses did.
12. Scent the air. Research finds that the benefits of aromatherapy in relieving stress are real. In one study people exposed to rosemary had lower anxiety levels, increased alertness, and performed math computations faster. Adults exposed to lavender showed an increase in the type of brain waves that suggest increased relaxation. Today you have a variety of room-scenting methods, from plug-in air fresheners to essential oil diffusers, potpourri, and scented candles.
14. Visit a quiet place. Libraries, museums, gardens, and places of worship provide islands of peace and calm in today’s frantic world. Find a quiet place near your house and make it your secret getaway.
16. Spend time alone. Although relationships are one of the best antidotes to stress, sometimes you need time alone to recharge and reflect. Take yourself out to lunch or to a movie, or simply spend an afternoon reading, browsing in a bookstore, or antiquing.
17. Walk mindfully. You probably already know that exercise is better than tranquilizers for relieving anxiety and stress. But what you do with your mind while you’re walking can make your walk even more beneficial. In a study called the Ruth Stricker Mind/Body Study, researchers divided 135 people into five groups of walkers for 16 weeks. Group one walked briskly, group two at a slow pace, and group three at a slow pace while practicing “mindfulness,” a mental technique to bring about the relaxation response, a physiological response in which the heart rate slows and blood pressure drops. This group was asked to pay attention to their footsteps, counting one, two, one, two, and to visualize the numbers in their mind. Group four practiced a form of tai chi, and group five served as the control, changing nothing about their lives. The group practicing mindfulness showed significant declines in anxiety and had fewer negative and more positive feelings about themselves. Overall they experienced the same stress-reducing effects of the brisk walkers. Better yet, the effects were evident immediately.
18. Give priority to close relationships. One study of more than 1,300 men and women of various ages found that those who had a lot of supportive friends were much more likely to have healthier blood pressure, cholesterol levels, blood sugar metabolism, and stress hormone levels than those with two or fewer close friends. Women, and to a lesser extent men, also seemed to benefit from good relationships with their parents and spouses. Studies also find that people who feel lonely, depressed, and isolated are three to five times more likely to get sick and die prematurely than those who have feelings of love, connection, and community.
19. Take care of the soul. In study after study, actively religious people are happier and cope better with crises, according to David Myers, Ph.D., a professor of psychology at Hope College in Holland, Michigan. For many people faith provides a support community, a sense of life’s meaning, feelings of ultimate acceptance, a reason to focus beyond yourself, and a timeless perspective on life’s woes. Even if you’re not religious, a strong spirituality may offer similar benefits.
20. Count your blessings. People who pause each day to reflect on some positive aspect of their lives (their health, friends, family, freedom, education, etc.) experience a heightened sense of well-being.
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
Top 10 Ways to Be Happy at Work
Working at Google sounds very cool. I'd be the first to
tout Google as a motivating employer: free food, engineers who are
enabled to spend 20 percent of their time on their own projects, and a
work environment that fosters play and creative thinking. At Google,
Genentech and other Fortune magazine top 100 companies, employers provide the best workplaces.
At the same time, perks that enable employees to spend all of their time at work exploit people and destroy work - life balance. So, even the best employer may not be best for everyone. These are the factors that will help you find happiness at work.
1. Choose to Be Happy at Work
Happiness
is largely a choice. I can hear many of you arguing with me, but it's
true. You can choose to be happy at work. Sound simple? Yes. But,
simplicity is often profoundly difficult to put into action. I wish all
of you had the best employer in the world, but, face it, you may not.
So, think positively about your work. Dwell on the aspects of your work
you like. Avoid negative people and gossip. Find coworkers you like and
enjoy and spend your time with them. Your choices at work largely define
your experience. You can choose to be happy at work.
2. Do Something You Love Every Single Day
You
may or may not love your current job and you may or may not believe
that you can find something in your current job to love, but you can.
Trust me. Take a look at yourself, your skills and interests, and find
something that you can enjoy doing every day. If you do something you
love every single day, your current job won't seem so bad. Of course,
you can always make your current job work or decide that it is time to quit your job.3. Take Charge of Your Own Professional and Personal Development
A
young employee complained to me recently that she wanted to change jobs
because her boss was not doing enough to help her develop
professionally. I asked her whom she thought was the person most
interested in her development. The answer, of course, was her. You are
the person with the most to gain from continuing to develop
professionally. Take charge of your own growth; ask for specific and
meaningful help from your boss, but march to the music of your
personally developed plan and goals. You have the most to gain from
growing - and the most to lose, if you stand still.4. Take Responsibility for Knowing What Is Happening at Work
People
complain to me daily that they don't receive enough communication and
information about what is happening with their company, their
department's projects, or their coworkers. Passive vessels, they wait
for the boss to fill them up with knowledge. And, the knowledge rarely
comes. Why? Because the boss is busy doing her job and she doesn't know
what you don't know. Seek out the information you need to work
effectively. Develop an information network and use it. Assertively
request a weekly meeting with your boss and ask questions to learn. You
are in charge of the information you receive.5. Ask for Feedback Frequently
Have
you made statements such as, "My boss never gives me any feedback, so I
never know how I'm doing." Face it, you really know exactly how you're
doing. Especially if you feel positively about your performance, you
just want to hear him acknowledge you. If you're not positive about your
work, think about improving and making a sincere contribution. Then,
ask your boss for feedback. Tell him you'd really like to hear his
assessment of your work. Talk to your customers, too; if you're serving
them well, their feedback is affirming. You are responsible for your own
development. Everything else you get is gravy.6. Make Only Commitments You Can Keep
One
of the most serious causes of work stress and unhappiness is failing to
keep commitments. Many employees spend more time making excuses for
failing to keep a commitment, and worrying about the consequences of not
keeping a commitment, than they do performing the tasks promised.
Create a system of organization and planning that enables you to assess
your ability to complete a requested commitment. Don't volunteer if you
don't have time. If your workload is exceeding your available time and
energy, make a comprehensive plan to ask the boss for help and
resources. Don't wallow in the swamp of unkept promises.7. Avoid Negativity
Choosing
to be happy at work means avoiding negative conversations, gossip, and
unhappy people as much as possible. No matter how positively you feel,
negative people have a profound impact on your psyche. Don't let the
negative Neds and Nellies bring you down. Take a look at:
And, keep on singing in the car on your way to work - or start.8. Practice Professional Courage
If you are like most people, you don't like conflict. And the reason why is simple. You've never been trained to participate in meaningful conflict,
so you likely think of conflict as scary, harmful, and hurtful.
Conflict can be all three; done well, conflict can also help you
accomplish your work mission and your personal vision.
Conflict can help you serve customers and create successful products.
Happy people accomplish their purpose for working. Why let a little
professional courage keep you from achieving your goals and dreams? Make
conflict your friend.9. Make Friends
In their landmark book, First, Break All The Rules: What the World’s Greatest Managers Do Differently (Compare Prices),
Marcus Buckingham and Curt Coffman list twelve important questions.
When employees answered these questions positively, their responses were
true indicators of whether people were happy and motivated at work. One
of these key questions was, "Do you have a best friend at work?" Liking
and enjoying your coworkers are hallmarks of a positive, happy work
experience. Take time to get to know them. You might actually like and
enjoy them. Your network provides support, resources, sharing, and
caring.10. If All Else Fails, Job Searching Will Make You Smile
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
So happiness - isn't that the thing that all of us strive to find and keep? Nobody is happy
all of the time, but some people are definitely more fulfilled than
others. Studies on what makes people happy reveal that it doesn't have
much to do with material goods or high achievement; it seems to whittle
down to your outlook on life, and the quality of your relationships with
the people around you.
3. Make enough money to meet your basic needs: food, shelter, and clothing. In the US, that magic number is $40,000 a year. Any money you make beyond that will not necessarily make you happier. Remember the lottery winners mentioned earlier? Oodles of money didn't make them any happier. Once you make enough money to support your basic needs, your happiness is not significantly affected by how much money you make, but by your level of optimism.
5. Have deep, meaningful conversations. A study by a psychologist at the University of Arizona has shown that spending less time participating in small talk and more time having deep, meaningful conversations can lead to an increased feeling of happiness.
Steps:
1. Be optimistic. In the 1970s, researchers followed people who'd won the lottery and found that a year after they'd hit the jackpot, they were no happier than the people who didn't. They called it hedonic adaptation, which suggests that we each have a baseline level of happiness. No matter what happens, good or bad, the effect on our happiness is only temporary and we tend to rebound to our baseline level. Some people have a higher baseline happiness level than others, and that can be attributed in part to genetics, but it's also largely influenced by how you think. So while the remainder of this article will help boost your happiness, only improving your attitude towards life will increase your happiness permanently. Here are some excellent starting points for doing that:
2. Follow your gut. In one study, two groups of people were asked to pick out a poster to take home. One group was asked to analyze their decision carefully, weighing the pros and cons, and the other group was told to listen to their gut. Two weeks later, the group that followed their gut was happier with their posters than the group that analyzed their decisions.Now, some of our decisions are more crucial than picking out posters, but by the time you're poring over your choice, the options you're weighing are probably very similar, and the difference will only temporarily affect your happiness. So next time you have a decision to make, and you're down to two or three options, just pick the one that feels right, and go with it. Never regret the decisions you make though. Just live by the 3 C's of life: choices chances, and changes. You need to make a choice to take a chance or your life will never change.3. Make enough money to meet your basic needs: food, shelter, and clothing. In the US, that magic number is $40,000 a year. Any money you make beyond that will not necessarily make you happier. Remember the lottery winners mentioned earlier? Oodles of money didn't make them any happier. Once you make enough money to support your basic needs, your happiness is not significantly affected by how much money you make, but by your level of optimism.
- Your comfort may increase with your salary, but comfort isn't what makes people happy. It makes people bored. That's why it's important to push beyond your comfort zone to fuel your growth as a person.
5. Have deep, meaningful conversations. A study by a psychologist at the University of Arizona has shown that spending less time participating in small talk and more time having deep, meaningful conversations can lead to an increased feeling of happiness.
6. Find happiness in the job you have now: Many people
expect the right job or the right career to dramatically change their
level of happiness, but happiness research makes it clear that your
level of optimism and the quality of your relationships eclipse the
satisfaction you gain from your job.
If you have a positive outlook, you will make the best of any job, and
if you have good relationships with people, you won't depend on your job
to give your life a greater sense of meaning. You'll find it in your
interactions with the people you care about. Now that doesn't mean you
shouldn't aspire towards a job that will make you happier; it means you
should understand that the capacity of your job to make you happy is
quite small in comparison to your outlook on life and your relationships
with people.
7. Smile: Science suggests that when you smile, whether you feel happy or not, your mood will be elevated.
So smile all the time! In addition, having enough money to pay the
bills allows you to focus your energies on more productive aspects of
your life, such a the pursuit of happiness as opposed to keeping the
'wolves from the door'.
- See How to Smile to Be Happy.
- See How to Smile for Better Health.
8. Forgive:
In a study of college students, it was found that an attitude of
forgiveness contributed to better cardiovascular health. You could say
that forgiveness literally heals your heart. While it is unknown how
forgiveness directly affects your heart, the study suggests that it may
lower the perception of stress.
9. Make friends who share your interests or faith: In a 2010 study by Harvard researchers published in the journal American Sociological Review,
it was discovered that people who went to church regularly reported
greater life satisfaction than those who didn't. The critical factor was
the quality of friendships made in church. People who went to church
and didn't have any close friends there were no happier than people who
never went to church. When the researchers compared people who had the
same number of close friends, the ones who had close friends from church were more satisfied with their lives.
It's thought that the forming of friendships based on mutual interests
and beliefs (and meeting consistently based on that mutual bond) is what
makes the difference, so if church itself is not your thing, consider
finding something else you're deeply passionate about and making friends
who you can connect with regularly based on that.
Video:
Tips
- Just because something seems to make other people happy doesn't mean that it really does. People are very good at pretending they're happy, especially when they've invested so much into the things that are supposed to make them happy; it's hard to admit that you've been placing all your eggs in the wrong basket.
- When you're purposely trying to be happy or cheerful, but just can't
seem to achieve it at the moment, do something crazy. It's stupid,
crazy, weird stuff like that that seems pointless, but could actually
lift your mood after you do it, just because you're glad you did it.
Most fundamentally, recognize that happiness is a state of mind and not
something which can be defined objectively. You can change your state of
mind in many ways including these suggestions:
- Turn your favorite music up loud and do a stupid dance to it. Talk to yourself in the mirror.
- Try a new food.
- Rearrange your room in a weird way.
- Write a funny or inspiring quote on your mirror/wall/locker.
- Scream as loud as you can (warn your family first!) and bounce up and down; jump all around.
- Get your swimsuit on, go outside and turn the hose on yourself, if it's a hot day.
- If you have a child, either now or in the future, tell them often how much you love and admire him/her and do anything to help him/her.
- Keep in close touch with relatives and a small circle of friends. You can't beat their love and support.
- Don't be afraid to admit when you're down and need a lift. Conversely, if there's a person in your life who is a negative influence and who is dragging you down in some way, don't be afraid to remove such a person from your life.
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